A Memory That Still Remains

There comes a point in your life when you reflect on all the bonds you've once share with somebody close. It has become a daily habit of mine to think about my past and the people I've shared it with. There's one specific person I think about on a daily basis. She was my best friend, but most importantly she was a sister. I can't even fathom all the wonderful memories we shared. Growing up, we came from two different backgrounds and were complete opposites, but that only caused our friendship to become stronger. Little did I know that the "differences" that once binded our friendship were the causes as to why it ended. I still remember her golden tan, her crooked, innocent smile, and the way her hazel, gold flecked eyes would spontaneously light up. As time passed, we both started drifting and soon enough I rarely heard about her whereabouts. I acted in a careless manner when her name was brought up. I made myself believe that I didn't have a care in the world for her, but who was I kidding? She was like a sister to me; we both grew up together and both tackled the obstacles that were thrown at us TOGETHER. I proceeded to hear rumors about her; as each day passed, they were worse. I was in disbelief upon finding out her attempt to kill herself. I wanted to call her, but I knew that would only make matters worse. The worst thing I encountered was a video of her drugged up, looking lifeless. She puts up a care free facade, but I know for a fact that she's the most vulnerable being roaming this planet. I miss her, a lot. I refuse to see her because I want to continue to hold an untainted image of the girl that would put the color in my world. The girl who I shared everything with, the girl whom I would sit at the infamous fence with for hours talking about life and what we wanted from it. Beautiful, Sweet, & Loyal. Although we're both at different points in our life, her memory remains vividly every single day in my life.

Disillusionment

 You pour your heart out to somebody taking the risk nobody else is willing to take and then with the blink of an eye they completely shut you out. You're unable to snap back to reality because you're so wrapped up in them. You sit there staring aimlessly at your phone with the hope that maybe, just maybe if you stare long enough the message will get sent to you sooner. Lets face it, you're throwing yourself out on a limb here and he/she is unable to acknowledge/appreciate it.This applies to relationships as a whole, not just intimate. Why is it that the people that you care about the most tend to hurt you the most? Oh, the irony. Men and Women complain about wanting the perfect guy, but once they have him/her they're unable to appreciate them & they usually wind up with someone that takes them for granted. What a happy ending! NOT! As I'm getting older, I'm opening up my eyes and really starting to see the true colors I once wasn't able to see. I guess the oh so cliche saying of "Life gets harder the older you get", is indeed true. As my days drag on, it has come to my attention that it doesn't matter what corner I turn or where I go; people will STILL continue to upset and or disappoint me. I've let my guard down one too many times and I promise this will be the last time I will. The memories still continue to remind of the good days, but relying on them to fill your void just doesn't cut it.This world is full of disillusionment and that's a known fact.

Unexpected Visit.

Yesterday was one of those days where things unexpectedly happened. My sister who I literally haven't had contact with in over a year dropped by .I must say, it was awkward. I mean, what is there to converse about without broaching the subject of faults and mistakes that were committed throughout the years. Yes, no one is perfect, but when it causes your family to completely neglect you and turn their head to the other side when you walk by, it's obvious you perpetrated something preposterous. I know the only one to judge is God, and that's the reason of my whole reflection on this situation. The truth of the matter is no matter how many faults she continues to commit, no matter how mad she gets me, and no matter how much grief she brings upon my family, at the end of the day we're still going to have the same blood running through our veins. She's my sister; it's that simple. Not everyone agrees with my decision on maintaining a relationship with her, but it's something I know I need to do. If I continue holding these "grudges", I'm never going to live a life full of happiness and if there's no happiness in life, then what's the point of it? I've been called a hypocrite for shunning her then going back and making mends with her. I'm not trying to be her friend nor am I having hard feelings against her, it's mutual. I acknowledge her as my sister and I refuse to blind myself with animosity. I'm ridding myself of pessimistic feelings and this shall be the first step that I'm taking in doing so. 

First Blog.

So, I've been contemplating for a while if I should start a blog or not. It seems like a great idea, just pouring out my thoughts and ideas somewhere without the worry of having my pesky siblings read and badger my writing. Of course there's always the possibility of getting distracted and neglecting my school work, but lets hope it doesn't get to that extent. Who knows, maybe I'll  treat this as I do to face book; have it, constantly get on, find myself getting on first thing in the morning and last thing before I go to bed, realize I have piles of homework to do, but continue to put it off to the side,  then eventually deactivate it because my procrastination will of course eventually catch up to me. Although this seems like a brilliant idea to keep me sane from the massive amounts of assignments that are awaiting for me this semester, lets hope this semester doesn't dominate my leisure time. Until then, I shall continue posting and see if I can find time between working and school to post.